Star Prospect Left Chasing His Tail

-
One of the many highlights of the first-ever virtual draft this past weekend was the rare, intimate look into the homes and families of these high-flying NFL execs who can appear anywhere from heatless to overly sentimental to inhumane depending on your team loyalties. This leads us nicely to the goodest of boys who expertly selected Kyle Dugger from Lenoir-Rhyne with the 37th pick. Of course, we are referring to Nike Belichick, the canine companion of the 6-time Super Bowl winning coach of the Patriots. Ever since the NFL's pyjama Olympics (combine), Nike has had to come to terms with never playing in the NFL. The sadistic rule-setters decided that he was, in fact, ineligible on account of his 4 legs and superior intelligence. His football IQ is clearly higher than the Steelers center who failed to snap the ball on command. Nike pointed to the black cat who famously played in the Cowboys and Giants tilt on Monday Night football last year. "obviously it has nothing to do with the 4 legs. Cleary, they have an inferiority complex, that cat was all over the field. Then he showed the athleticism to evade way more humans than Saquon ever could, even with his stupid quads." Nike is currently in the process of appealing the decision with a fair chance of success. As such, it would be considered a lack of due diligence if we didn't compile this scouting report on Nike.

Position: Wide Retriever
40-yard dash: Absolute zoomies
Favourite player: Barkevious Mingo

Character: At times can appear that he is incentivised by treats rather than football. Very obedient, sometimes to his detriment; cornerbacks would tell him to 'walk'. Needs to work on his carrying. Will chase penalty flags when thrown.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

MLB Cancelled?

-
Image
After all the talk between the MLB and MLBPA, it looks like we are finally going to get ourselves a baseball season. At this point there looks like there is nothing in the way of us seeing our favourite summer pastime. Or is there? Our sources tell us that discussions have been taking place between the Owners and Rob Manfred, and a new plan has been devised to stop the season going ahead.   Rob Manfred will declare the old school, unwritten playground rule ‘it’s my ball I’m going home’. It’s a rule as old as time, for those who have never seen or used it, this is how it works:  When you are playing a sport with friends, and you own the ball being used, you can decide to randomly take your ball and go home. People will do this for a couple of reasons. 1. If they have to actually go home (the least common use of the rule). 2. If they are losing or 3. If the ball owner hasn’t got their own way with regards to rules or teams, they will take their ball so no one else can play and g...
Read more

College Football is Cancelled

-
Image
2020 gets worse by the week. Recent announcements have seen college football conferences cancelled or suspended until the spring of 2021, leaving players, coaches and fans reeling in the news. One of the biggest questions that have come from these announcements is what will happen to the players. As a student-athlete, you are now just a student, which means you will finally have to start going to class. If you are an athlete reading this, you are in the right place, below we cultivated a list on what to do next, and thrive as a student. Get a pen and paper. This will be key, you will need this in all of your classes, to take notes from the teacher, or "coach" of the class.  The teacher is in charge, but instead of shouting at you when you miss a catch or fumble the ball, they will shout at you when you get an answer wrong or fall asleep in class. Try not to fall asleep in class. Books. What is a book you ask? It's like a playbook for the class you are taking, it contains ...
Read more

The Weekly Puttdown 6-12/1/2020

-
The Weekly Puttdown Welcome to the weekly Puttdown. A weekly run through off the major news from the major sports around the globe. Short and to the point, cutting through the drivel and not to be taken to seriously. NFL: The Texans blew a 24-point lead; they blew it so quickly it was gone before half time. The Packers ruined Lynches coming out of retirement party, but it was nice to see they game him the ball on the goal line twice, unfortunately, this doesn’t change history. Baltimore Ravens players decided not to turn up in their most important game of the year, forgetting that, when the ball is thrown to you, that you are meant to catch it. Derrick Henry continued to walk through defences, one point even making an opponent in to a lead blocker.   The 49ers blew out the Vikings, which led the Cleveland Browns to employ the Vikings OC as their new head coach after he got embarrassed that same weekend, a move that only the Cleveland Browns would do. NBA: ...
Read more