What Will Happen When Fans Return?

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The evolution of the football fan - and what it says about the ...

The Premier League is looking more and more likely to be going ahead. When it does restart, stadiums will be empty, a far cry from what fans would hope for. But in time, fans will start to be allowed back into the stadiums. Teams won't be permitted to allow full attendances, more likely starting off around the 30% mark, which means if the league isn’t careful, true diehard fans may miss out on tickets. Here at the Puttdown, we have come up with an exhaustive list of criteria to stop the fair-weather fans from attendance, and to make sure only the true fans are in the stadium when they return.

Not Permitted
  • Half and Half scarfs. Clearly, people who wear these pieces of attire only buy them so when friends and family come to visit, they can show the scarves to prove they were at the game. They don’t really care about the club; a die-hard fan would only have their own clubs emblem on their scarf.
  • One of their last 10 photos on their camera roll is a selfie. These people again only care about showing they were at the game, taking one mid-game to prove they were there, uploading it to Instagram mid-game to their 12 followers.
  • Brand new club shop apparel. A die-hard fan wears a stained shirt from 6 years ago. They think that the prices of new shirts are over the top and would rather spend their money on beer at the game.
Permitted
  • Club crest tattoos. If someone has gone through the agony of getting a team logo tattooed onto them, they definitely deserve to be in the stadium.
  • Downing ability. If they can drink quickly, it is likely they are going to spend more money in the stadium, helping to regain lost revenue.
  • Being overweight. Let's end fat-shaming, we want you eating in the stadium, again, adding to making up for the lost revenue. 
  • The man who hit Steve Bruce with a cabbage gets into the stadium of his choice. Maybe not Aston Villa though.
  • The last few tickets will be up for grabs via trial by combat. Anyone willing to give up their life is clearly a true fan, though, there can only be one winner per fight.
If Premier League clubs use this comprehensive list, they will guarantee they only get the true die-hard fans into their stadium once they are permitted, guaranteeing an atmosphere that will galvanise their team to victory.

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